Niños Hotel

Speaking of Peru, I have an excellent hotel recommendation. Even if you won't find yourself in Cusco (the gateway to Machu Picchu) anytime soon, this is the story of an amazing woman who followed the nagging voice inside her head that told her to do something about a problem.

In 1996, Jolanda van den Berg visited Cusco from Holland and was struck by the number of children she had seen begging and working on the streets. She returned six months later and rented a small room where she let first two, then twelve, kids stay with her. She needed a way to continually support her new kids, so she started Niños Hotel on calle Meloc in Cusco. Now, 13 years later, she and her wonderful staff run two hotels and three restaurants in Cusco. All the profits provide daily food, medical care and school support for over 500 local kids daily.

The hotel and cafe are warm, friendly and cheap by American standards ($44/night for a double). A gentle reminder to listen to your voice and spend your money where it really matters. More info: ninoshotel.com

Viva Peru!

I just got back from Peru, and thought I'd share some pictures. These are from Lima, Machu Picchu, the Ballestas Islands and sand dunes in Huacachina. I wasn't sure what to expect when I went down with a friend from college sans tour group (or prior planning, really), but found a beautiful, accessible country. ¡Buen viaje!

Did they go easy on him?

Or did President Obama really win a game of P-I-G against the UConn women's basketball team?

Red, white & blue is so black or white

Welcome to the party Arlen Specter. Grab a beer. I am thrilled that you have the chutzpah and common sense to part with the Repulican't Party. This is truly a wake up call ... in more ways than one. 

Can we, for just a moment, stop and think about why this news is causing such a stir? It's on the front page of almost every major newspaper.  To me, this is an extreme indication that a multi-party system is a dire necessity.   And by multi-party, I mean more than 2 and 1/5th.  Party loyalty in this country runs deep. Scary deep.  Arlen Specter could no longer be effective because of the R after his name?  This shouldn't be.

Americans like to treat their politics like they treat their sports.  It's about colors, mascots, states, cities - which is fine when it comes to the Super Bowl, but asinine when it comes to public policy and the well-being of our planet.  Diverse opinions are healthy.  Debate is healthy.  One size does not fit all.

President Obama graciously welcomed Arlen Specter to the Democratic fold.  I know he has to do this, but the gesture makes me uncomfortable.  This isn't the NFL draft.  Specter does not need to get sized for the uniform or sign a multi-million dollar contract.  Or maybe he does in cryptic, political ways.

We U.S Americans suffer from a severe case of black-or-white-titus. All or nothing thinking. You are with us or against us, Democrat or Republican, male or female, straight or perverted, white or ethnic.  

We seem to have no tolerance for nuances or shades of gray, yet it is the ambiguities in life that lead to real progress.  So Arlen, make yourself comfortable. But if you feel the need to pet an elephant once in a while, the donkey doesn't need to kick you in the ass.

On being female: The things we carry

A few weeks ago at my neighborhood beer and wine store, I bumped into a former neighbor. Her name is Ann and her daughter, Tasha, was my playmate for several years before they moved away. It had been about fifteen years since I’d seen either of them, but there Ann was, chatting with the clerk about how she hoped this lottery ticket would be the winning one. As she turned to leave, her eyes caught mine, and we recognized each other at that moment.

The story she told me about her life and Tasha’s was sobering, if not sickening. My former playmate had gotten mixed up with cocaine and was now a junkie, a thief, an ex-convict. She’d also given birth to six children, all of which Ann now had custody. Remembering that Ann made meager wages as a bus driver, I asked how she could afford so many kids. “It’s by the grace of God,” she said, hunching her shoulders and lowering her eyes.

Is it? I thought to myself.

A few years before, I’d listened to a sermon by a female pastor entitled “False Burdens.” Her argument was this: The number one way the devil kills women is by guilt-tripping them into carrying false burdens. Wily ole Lucifer will show a woman someone in need, knowing full well she’ll feel compassion and go out of her way to help. Before long, helping would require so much of the woman’s energy, resources, and time that her husband, herself, and her prayer life would all fall by the way side. Exhausted and heavy-laden with stresses, she’s a weak and easy target for Lucifer.

Even if you’re not a religious person, it’s hard to argue with the pastor’s point, that we, as women, have a tendency to carry burdens that are not our own.

I’m thinking of another friend, Tamara, as I write this. Tamara owns two houses, one of which she rents out to her often-months-late-with-the-rent mother. And even though this situation is a huge financial and emotional burden for my friend, she feels it would be wrong to evict her own mother.

Emily is another acquaintance of mine with a similar situation. Her mother doesn’t have a driver’s license or own a car. So, after working all day as an elementary school teacher, Emily rushes home not to take a long soak in the tub, but to drive her mother to the bank, the post office, the fruit market.

I’m not suggesting that daughters shouldn’t ever help their mothers, or that grandparents shouldn’t love their grandchildren. I am simply asking these questions: When and where should women draw the line when taking on burdens that do not belong to us? At what point does being nice become a detriment to our health? How can we expect to live joyous lives when we are perpetually doing things we don’t want to do? Is it possible that taking on more than we can bear is not selflessness, but foolishness? Is it possible that carrying too many burdens is not doing the work of God, but the work of the devil?

I remember the way Ann looked a few weeks ago, like she was on drugs herself. Feet like the Mojave. Dingy sweatpants. Prunes beneath her eyes. I wondered how long she could care for those kids before succumbing to a breakdown and needing a caretaker herself.

Remembering Bea Arthur

Emmy and Tony Award-winning actress Bea Arthur of "Maude" and "The Golden Girls" fame died Saturday at 86. Here is a funny clip in honor of the sharp-tongued actress.

"The greatest of these is love”

Am I anti-Christian if I read, agree with and accept some Buddhist principles? Would a Catholic be considered anti-Catholic for believing that a woman has a right to choose whether to keep or abort her unborn baby?

I am a Christian woman. I believe that Jesus bled, suffered and died for the remission of my sins and that Jesus resurrected after three days. HIS resurrection symbolizes power and provides me with a basis for my faith and hope in knowing that Jesus will take care of me.

Given that I am Christian, I have always felt afraid when I was growing up to explore other religions. It always felt like there was an unspoken rule that to believe in the ideas of other religions was blasphemous or the practice of serving two gods. Maybe that was a figment of my imagination, but I don’t think so.

Recently, a friend of mine suggested that I read two books, "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne and "How to Expand Love" by the Dalai Lama. I have read "The Secret" in its entirety and am in the process of reading the second book. Both books I recommend. While reading these selections, I realized that there is a lot to learn from other religions and that it does not make me anti-Christian. Actually, while reading both books, I found that some of the concepts compliment the teachings of Jesus.

The question of religion and spirituality comes to mind as well. Can you be spiritual and not be religious? I think the answer is yes. The essence of spirituality to me is living your life in a manner that shows compassion towards others. Spirituality is finding that personal place of inner peace and comfort from a higher source other than yourself. It's the recognition that no one, not even you, is perfect. It's the forgiveness and acceptance of your own mistakes and the mistakes others make toward you. It's the positivity you invoke in your own life and in the lives of others. In a nutshell, the greatest concept of spirituality is love.

On parenting a bullied child

A recent ESPN article addresses teen bullying and quotes a statistic from the National Youth Violence Prevention Center that “nearly one in three youths nationwide said they were bullied, have been bullies or both.”

That’s a sobering fact and something that I’m well aware of as the mother of a 14-year-old.

A few days ago when I picked up my daughter from school she was crying. She told me that a few of the girls at school were teasing her and that one girl tried to stick a dirty candy wrapper in her mouth.

My daughter said that she held her hands to her mouth and tried to back away. She said that another girl then walked behind her and smacked her on the side of her face.

But when I asked her for information about the girls who were bullying her, she told me through tears that she wanted to handle it on her own.

I spoke to the principal and vice principal at my daughter’s school. All of the girls, including my daughter, sat with a school counselor to discuss the incident.

But the entire episode concerns me, especially in light of recent childhood suicides linked to bullying (see stories here and here).

It is a balancing act, because my daughter’s encounter went from bullying and teasing to physical violence and intimidation very quickly.

And how do I help her make sense of what has happened? What am I to do with my anger? What am I to do with my need to protect my child?

Don't call me sweetie

Okay, when I hear someone call me this word...I cringe...but I am unsure of the roots of this uneasy feeling. Perhaps, the moment began when my Southern grandmother addressed my other grandmother in such a gooey manner. "Honey. Please be careful when you grab the groceries." I was around eight years old, and I reprimanded her for using a pet name to address a woman her age. "Her name is Nellie," I said. My grandmother glared at me. Was she trying to be nice?

Even as a silly kid something bugged me about the saccharin sweet dismissive: HONEY. Did I sense condescension? Was it belittling? I didn't know the word, but I certainly reacted in kind to the gesture. Some feeling made me want to sink down in that hot car seat, to blush or to come out swinging. Sound familiar?

So, let's go down the list: "Honey", "Sweetie", "Dear", "Dearie", "Dearest, "Hon", "Sweetie Pie", "Darlin". Any of these names may irk me, depending on the source. From the waitress at the coffee shop, to a college friend I haven't heard from in ages, to a supervisor at work, there is something about someone (man or woman) addressing me by anything other than MY NAME - specifically, any of the terms listed above.

But are the sweetie-calling people of the world misunderstood? Perhaps, this isn't a desire to condescend but a way to show affection? A way to reach out? Is it cultural? A way to endear? One may recall President Obama telling a female reporter during a press conference last year, "Hold on a second, sweetie." (The seemingly nice gesture didn't go over well and some screamed sexism. He later apologized to the reporter on voicemail excusing himself for the "bad habit.")

According to one online commentator, "What a silly issue. People who can take time in their life to get angry and think about something like being called sweetie needs to find something positive to do. "

But experts say this way of communicating is just plain harmful. In a study recently published in the American Journal of Alzheimers's Disease and other Dementias, such language is also known as "elderspeak" or infantilizing communication. In short, caregivers in nursing homes often use the names "dear" and "sweetie" when addressing aging patients. The result: higher rates of depression, decreased self-esteem and withdrawal among the elderly. Why? Because, no matter what the intentions may be, using the words can cause feelings of inadequacy and helplessness.

Dr. Becca Levy, professor of psychology at Yale, told the New York Times, elderspeak even poses problems in the professional world. According to Dr. Levy, "Words like 'dear' have a life of their own. It’s harder to change because people spend so much of their lives observing it without having a stake in it, not realizing it’s belittling to call someone that.”

Ultimately, ask yourself, should an adult address another adult like a two-year old who can't pick out a popsicle flavor? No. So, I suggest...think of your audience, your intention...who you are addressing.

For me, the supposedly kind gesture often makes me squirm. So stop. Please. And next time I won't ask sweetly...not even in a sweetly belittling kind of way. Perhaps, I am touchy. But I am certainly not alone. Try Googling the subject. And, if you don't want to come out and say, "Stop calling me sweetie" - Order the t-shirt.

This video is appalling!

Miss California tells Miss USA judge Perez Hilton that she thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman. I am appalled!

No, not at her answer. I expected as much from a beauty contestant. I'm appalled because it's 2009 and there is still a beauty pageant on television.

Iran’s Ahmadinejad asks for fair appeal for Roxana

In what some Iranians deem an unusual move, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wrote a letter to the prosecutor in Tehran asking for a fair appeal for Roxana Saberi.

Below is an excerpt from Ahmadinejad's letter, as reported by Iranian government news agency, IRNA:

"Please take the necessary measures to ensure that the process of examining the charges against the aforementioned individuals are being carried out carefully and fairness, justice and regulations are observed...Please, personally observe the process to ensure that the defendants are allowed all legal rights and freedom in defending themselves and that their rights are not violated even by one iota."

However, President Ahmadinejad also told the news agency that Iran must protect its security and independence from outside threats. Perhaps, a reaction to U.S. officials calling the charges against Roxana Saberi "baseless."

Middle East regional expert, Mustafa Alani, told Bloomberg, “Iran is sending a clear message that Iranian security is a priority which will not be compromised." Alani also told Bloomberg that the Iranian government may have jailed Roxana Saberi as a show of strength. And, perhaps, as a magnanimous gesture officials will later reverse the decision.

In the meantime, despite letters, statements, interviews and outcries...Roxana remains in jail. In an interview with the BBC, Roxana's mother, Akito Saberi, said she is most concerned about her daughter's health.

Roxana has shown unbelievable courage in her quest to cover stories in Iran. She should be honored, as should all journalists who take risks to find the truth.

PLEASE SHOW YOUR SUPPORT. CLICK ON THIS LINK AND WRITE A MESSAGE TO ROXANA SABERI.

Iran convicts American journalist of espionage

This is a sad day for Roxana Saberi and her family. Iran convicted the American reporter of spying on Iran for the United States and sentenced her to eight years. As one online reporter aptly stated, "Where is the outrage? Why aren’t Americans calling for immediate action by the Obama administration to free American journalist Roxana Saberi?"

And...I also ask...where is the outrage? But, then I think, will "outrage" help or hurt her? Will angry Americans only deepen Iran's resolve to imprison Roxana Saberi? Yet how can we remain silent, as one of our own journalists is wrongly convicted during a secret trial in Tehran?

This marks the first time Iran has found an American journalist guilty of spying.

Saberi's father told NPR that Iranian officials duped his daughter into making incriminating statements by promising to set her free.

President Obama is "deeply disappointed" by the news, according to a White House official. For the past 30 years, diplomatic relations between Iran and the United States have remained at a standstill (if not volatile). Most likely, the verdict will dampen the Obama Administration's efforts to open up communication with Iran and to improve relations.

But hope remains. Roxana's attorney plans to appeal. And Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she will continue to monitor the situation closely and hopes to get Roxana home soon.

"Posturing," my Iranian friend tells me. He believes the Iranian government is trying to make a point to the international community. All the talk, all the press, all the efforts to free Roxana have backfired and only fueled the Iranian government to convict her. In the meantime, some Iranians may want to sabotage efforts to heal relations with the United States. Is Roxana a pawn...leverage in negotiations with the U.S. government?

Please light a candle or say a prayer for Roxana Saberi tonight. And visit the website: FREE ROXANA!

There must be a way to bring her home peacefully.

I can't make this stuff up!

Some woman claims she developed a surgery-free facelift. It's been featured in Elle, Marie Claire and Vogue, so it must be for women.

It's called Facercise (like I said, I can't make this stuff up), a twice-daily face exercise program that isolates face muscles and claims to firm them up.

There's a funny 1995 article from The New York Times about the program (I say it's funny because the writer accepts the notion that her aging face is a problem - more on that below).

Anyway, according to the Facercise web site, "results" can be seen "in just a few days." I should let you know that I was laughing while I typed that.

These are the results Facercisers (I think I just coined the term) can expect:

-Eyebrows are raised or lifted

-Eye sockets are enlarged, resulting in the eyes appearing more open and
vibrant

-Diminished puffiness under the eyes

-A shorter or narrower nose. The nose grows with age, creating an aged appearance

-Fuller lips and turned up, younger looking mouth corners

-Toned and defined chin, neck and jaw line

-Complexions change color and become more vibrant and youthful

So after reading the list I decided I wasn't going to exhaust myself by going over every point because the list is ridiculous enough on its own. But here's what jumped out at me.

Who would want to enlarge their eye sockets? Right. Let's move on.

"The nose grows with age, creating an aged appearance." OMG! There are so many things wrong with that statement that I think a college course can be built around it.

Bottom line is that this marketing campaign does not take into account two basic ideas (that seem like common sense to me):

1) People (even women people) age. Women and men people, if they remain on the planet long enough, will look older than 18 at some point;

2) Young does not equal attractive. Old does not equal unattractive. But what if they did?

Is Facercise the answer? Uh ... enlarged eye sockets? I think not. The answer lies within the person. Each person. You know what I mean?