Why women don't just go with the grow

I am a woman; I have body hair. And, apparently, I am not alone.

In the run-up to the Oscars, Academy Award-winning actress Mo'Nique let people in on the fact that she does not shave her legs.

The comedian and late-night talk show host told Barbara Walters, "I tried shaving one time. It was so uncomfortable and so painful, and when it grew back, it grew back even thicker, and more of it. I said never again would I do that to myself."

Most of the coverage of Mo'Nique's leg-hair decision did not discuss the significance of her statement in a broader context.

What is the broader context? Well, despite the fact that all human beings get body hair when they become adults, from about puberty, girls are faced with cues that body hair is something to be ashamed of, embarrassed by and ultimately removed.

If girls decide to remove their body hair, then that's their choice. But they might not realize that in order to remain hair-free they will have to remove that hair every day for the rest of their lives (give or take a day or two) or have it permanently removed at some point.

By the time those girls are women, hair removal is just an accepted part of their grooming routine.

Now is probably a good time for me to mention that hair removal is a $10 billion industry, and I hear that's a conservative estimate.

I know you're saying, "Men remove hair as well. Men and women are both expected to have regular haircuts, trim their nose hairs and remove hair in their ears and on their backs if they want to be socially acceptable. And many men are expected to remove beards and mustaches for work."

And you're right.

But check out these ads (here, here, here and here) targeting women for temporary hair removal methods.

You see my point? In order to be feminine -- beautiful even -- a woman can't just go with the grow.

So that means a woman who doesn't want to be noticed for her body hair has to consider the following:

1) Her eyebrows must have a certain shape or arch.
2) She can never have hair above or below her lips or on her chin.
3) Sideburns can't be too thick.
4) Same goes for the hair on the cheeks of her face.
5) No underarm hair.
6) No chest hair.
7) No belly hair.
8) No visible hair "down there" (not my phrase of choice) when sporting a bathing suit.
9) No thick or course hair on the forearms.
10) No leg hair.
11) No hair near her knuckles and no hair anywhere on her feet, if she's really diligent.

And the options for what to do with body hair (because a feminine, beautiful woman must be silky smooth at all times) include:

1) Slowing growth (you need a prescription).
2) Shaving (sigh).
3) Plucking (mini-ouch).
4) Dissolving (I-think-I-left-it-on-too-long-ouch).
5) Waxing (honey-coated-ouch).
6) Zapping with a laser (super-ouch).
7) Destroying the root (I-need-to-slap-somebody-ouch).

NOTE: That list was not exhaustive because it didn't include arguably ouch-worthy methods like threading and sugaring. Don't ask.

Doesn't this all sound ridiculous now that we've actually thought about it?

It's about time we blame somebody for this. Who do you want to blame? The fashion industry? The media? Advertisers? Razor manufacturers? Men? Women?

Who knows?

But let me ask you something, ladies. Would you be willing to take a page from Mo'Nique's book and cut yourselves some slack?

Because what Mo'Nique might be saying is that hair removal is ultimately a choice. A choice we make every day. And if we give up the goal of trying to be "feminine" or society's latest version of "beautiful," then we can choose to be ourselves, with hair on our legs and all.

What do you think? Would you be willing to let it all grow out?

Photo courtesy: Naotakem, Flickr Creative Commons.

The Joy of Sex!

Ok, now that I have your attention, I am seeking any advice that readers are willing to offer. A friend of mine (no, really, it's not me, it really is a friend) is anxious about having the sex talk with her fraternal twins who will turn 13 in February. The conversation is now unavoidable since the twins are going to be attending a co-ed camping trip.

So, mom and dad are preparing to talk to their kids, but where should the conversation start? How far should the conversation go? Humor, is it advised (I kinda think so)? Should there be props? Should the conversation be done separately?

So, I'd like to help ease her stress. It's self-seeking actually =). I told her, since she would have mastered this conversation, I'm sending my children to her when it comes time for me to have the sex talk!

Welcoming all advice.

Be blessed! Love, peace and Sunshine! =)

Backing into the Lieberman

One commonly loved sport among the Jews is to play the "Who's a Jew" game. At least one round of "Who's a Jew" is played at each of my family gatherings. We don't plan for it. It just happens.


For whatever reason, the Jews get off on identifying the lone chosen one who makes a living doing something that is largely reserved for the gentiles - like NASCAR racing, or running a state fair (or enjoying/attending either one).

Laker point guard Jordan Farmar is a favorite among my family, especially since my mom dated his grandpa, whom she met on J-Date.

Each round usually includes the following interaction: "Did you know XX is Jewish?" "He's Jewish? I didn't know that." (Mini moment of silence while we all take comfort in knowing that XX enjoys talking about his bowel movements with friends and family.) "Can you pass the kugel? It's delicious." "Everything's delicious."


So in the 2000 presidential election, you could imagine how surprised we were when Al Gore chose Joe Lieberman as his running mate. Sure, the few conservatives in my family who mistakenly believe Democrats don't give a damn about Israel didn't support the Gore-Lieberman ticket, but there was a mutual sense of familiarity and pride. (Great, now I'm imagining Joe talking about his bowel movements. Sorry about that.)


I was a huge Gore supporter and, although Lieberman was too conservative for my liking and his voice made me wish I was a deaf democrat, I was on board. He added a reasonable balance to the ticket. And it was pretty cool to witness the first Jewish-American ever to be chosen for this position in a major party. I'll "challah" to that.


Speaking of Joe Lieberman... and please pardon my long and drawn-out anecdotal style of "backing into the lead," as my journalism professors would call it... but I write all of this tangential rhetoric to say that I am sickened by and furious with Sen. Joe Lieberman. He is the political carnation of a cock block.


I don't care that he is a Democrat-turned-Independent, but it kills me that he still gets to caucus with the Democratic party as he shits all over them - and probably loves talking about it at the dinner table, too.


He endorsed the McCain-Palin ticket, he was one of the staunchest supporters of the Iraq war and President Bush's policies in Iraq, and he was the lone Democrat to criticize Bill Clinton on the Senate floor for BJ-gate.


Now Lieberman is threatening to withhold his vote on health care reform if it includes any form of a public option. I don't completely understand the intricacies of the health care bill because it's so fucking complicated and it's changing every day, but from what I do understand, it doesn't go nearly far enough. (Full disclosure, I am pretty much a socialist when it comes to health care - I believe it's a right, not a privilege.)


Democrats need Lieberman's 60th vote to overcome a Republican filibuster and proceed to a final vote in the Senate. Consequently, Democrats are watering down the bill even more with compromise proposals, like supplementing the public option with something else Lieberman won't like, particularly if it involves health insurance regulation. (Sen. Lieberman has received close to 500k in contributions from the health insurance industry and his state of Connecticut is home to some of the largest insurance companies. He also may be endearing himself to Republicans for 2012).


No wonder Lieberman cannot clearly articulate why he won't support it - not only because his voice sounds like a dying donkey caught in a well, but because his reasons are underhanded. He has been quoted as saying it’s the “wrong time” to create a government insurance program, claiming it would increase the national debt, probably raise taxes and increase premiums for insurance holders. I'm sorry, but what about the huge financial burden of the uninsured and wasteful health care costs?


Leading Democrats are now proposing to eliminate a public option from the bill in exchange for lowering the Medicare age limit from 65 to 55 and extending a Medicare "buy-in" program to those between 55 and 65. I'm sorry, but that is hardly a fair trade.


I resent the fact that Obama's campaign promise to overhaul health care has disintegrated into this sorry version of more-of-the-same. I don't want the bill to pass in its current form. It's a lose-lose situation, largely thanks to Joe.


What does this have to do with playing the "Who's a Jew" game?  Not much, ultimately.  Lieberman's religious beliefs don't matter.  I don't expect all answers to the "Who's a Jew" game to live up to my expectations.  Hey, Farmar has struggled and underperformed as a point guard.  I suppose I am merely disappointed that I voted for a Vice Presidential candidate who has fallen so far.  I feel betrayed and frustrated that our health care system is in such disarray with no end in sight.  


Some form of a health care bill is supposed to pass before Christmas. But Joe, you have the power to make it happen before Hannukah. Please don't make us wait until Passover. The Jews need health insurance coverage - we have sensitive stomachs.