I Hate Prop. 8, too (two)

Amen, Tamika. I hate it, too. I've been writing about it all. bloody. week. for The Advocate. And I still hate it. I marched with 5000 in West Hollywood and hate it even more. I want to get married someday just like my neighbors, a couple who have been together for 30 years, did last September. They decided to move to New York the day after Prop. 8 passed.

I have no doubt California (and the United States) will legalize same-sex marriage eventually, but can we just hurry it up and get with the program? We'll keep fighting, but it gets exhausting having to fight just for love and few basic rights. It should be such a non-issue. Black people can marry White people. Duh. I can (someday) marry my girlfriend, whose eyes are the only ones that really see me. Duh. My rainbow flag is starting to fade a little with all the sun it's been getting lately. Iowa, Spain and South Africa sure got the memo. I will be so happy when 30 years from now my future kids think this whole fight was completely ludicrous. Until then, love is love.

I hate Prop. 8

I hate it, hate it, hate it that the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8 - the voter-approved ban on same-sex marriages. I think it's absurd. Just absurd. But what to do? Onward and upward.

Long shot to block Sotomayor

Critics have raised questions about President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor stemming from her (unscripted yet videotaped) statement that “Court of Appeals is where policy is made” and a 2001 speech in which she stated “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life.”

Even with those and other critiques, blocking her confirmation will be a long shot.

Anyway, we found this biographical sketch of Judge Sotomayor produced by the Law School Admission Council. Check it out.

Eye on Entertainment: Seeking the family of Exodus

After learning of the death of Mike Tyson’s four-year-old daughter, Exodus, after a freak accident at the family’s home in Phoenix, I became angry when I read the family’s statement in which they (like so many other celebrity families) asked for privacy.

I became angry because a grieving family should not have to ask for privacy.

Mike Tyson has just lost his child. Why would he or his family be expected to comment on this to the press, to the public? Public statements during difficult times are common. Time and time again famous families are sought out during their grief and asked for a statement. We’ve come to expect it. But why?

Why can’t the press and tabloids back up and let Tyson bury his daughter in peace? Have we become so cold that we can’t allow a family to grieve without trying to snap a photo or get a comment?

My heart goes out to the family.

Eye on Entertainment: Jon & Kate plus rumors equals ratings

I'm sure you’ve heard about the scandal surrounding Jon & Kate Gosselin – the parents of twins and sextuplets and the stars of TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” I’m talking about the rumors of their alleged extramarital affairs.

Season 5 premieres tonight after an all-day marathon of shows from the previous seasons.

I wonder what the ratings for tonight’s show will look like now that they've been featured on tabloid covers and gossip sites. And why do people like this kind of stuff? Do we like the fact that this marriage may be in trouble? Does the possible break-up of two people who are having everyday problems make us want to watch more and read more into their personal lives?

Bottom line is that every marriage has problems. No marriage is perfect. True, infidelity is not healthy in any relationship, but it happens. And airing the fallout on television only helps the television network and gossip magazines.

If Jon and Kate are, in fact, having problems, maybe they should turn off the cameras. And maybe everyone else should step back and let them deal with it privately. Can they convince viewers tonight that they are okay? And, if so, who cares?

What's the Rush?

I’ve never really been a religious person. Meaning when I became a teenager and no longer needed to follow every expectation my parents had of me, I never made it a habit to go to church. It’s a shame really because in retrospect there are a lot of scriptures and such that no doubt would’ve helped me in the growing-up process. Except, like most children, growing up seemed to happen overnight. I had to get into a good high school, then a good college and then the best grad program. And I had to do it quickly before hitting 25.

So needless to say, I’ve never really been a patient person. And I don’t think any of us are truly patient. Reality shows like “The Biggest Loser” show how enormous people can lose weight in 3 months when it takes the average person with the average trainer years to accomplish. People meet on “The Bachelor” and get married by the end of the season. When did reality shows make it big? I want to say at least 7 years ago. And 7 years before that the internet hit it big. We’re all racing to get what we want faster, but none of us really know how to hold on to things that we claim are dear to us. I wonder how many people get fat again after losing all that weight. I wonder if the divorce rate will keep climbing in this country. Perhaps if we were more patient in achieving our goals, we wouldn’t be in danger of losing them so quickly after obtaining them.

Patience truly is a virtue that we’re all losing. If you read internet dating stories online, people have gone through horrifying and even dangerous experiences just for the off-chance of finding that one true love. Now, I can’t really diss online dating without trying it.

So I did.

I joined match.com to see what it was like. Curiosity was the reason, but from now on to save face, I’ll say it was research. The pool of women (as it always is) is much better to choose from than the pool of men. Yes, I checked out the women’s profiles too. Some chicks were so awesome I nearly emailed them to ask if they wanted to get drinks so I’d have a buddy to go bar-hopping with, but of course, I didn’t because I didn’t want to seem like a lunatic. The men: mostly older, most likely married. A good percentage are just there to date as many girls as they can, which honestly is fine because you’re suppose to go through a lot of relationships to understand what it is you truly want in a mate.

Others know exactly what they want. One man’s profile read like this: “I own the Upper East Side. I don’t go to bars or clubs and rather hang out at the high-end bars in my neighborhood. I’m looking for a woman who is beautiful and strong, but will give up her career when we have children like my mom did. I’m being truthful here. There’s a lot of money involved.”

Sorry, I did read the rest of it, but I was interrupted by projectile vomiting. I honestly would’ve been interested. What girl can resist a Chuck Bass? But he wasn’t even hot. And yes, that brings us to another point. Pictures are everything in online dating. And why shouldn’t we be shallow? We’re not drunk at our computers looking and reading these profiles. So we’re allowed to be a little more picky than we would be if we were at a bar. But then you run the risk of meeting up with the guy and finding out he used pictures from college and he’s really a man with sagging wrinkles and a pot belly. Who’s married with three children from 8 different marriages.

But I honestly can’t be too hard on the men on these sites. One story from Kieran who lives in the UK can tell you just how crazy women can be as well. He was talking with a woman from Boston through IM and emails. He fell in love, albeit through his computer, and she convinced him to come visit her for two weeks. He did. Upon landing, he said “she wasn't at all like I imagined. She had short greasy hair, and she didn't even bother to dress up or anything. She wore ripped dirty safari shorts and a t-shirt that was egg-stained and ripped. I tried to look past these points and convinced myself that she didn't have time to get dressed up or anything.”

Long story short, after a couple of days with her, she left a note on the counter telling Kieran to leave or she’d call the police. Then next to that note there was another note saying she was HIV positive and was putting blood in the milk and food he was eating. After 3 months of testing, he was fine. He married someone he met in the UK. Not through the internet.

You can see all these horrific stories online. And many of them, as can be expected, are from women. And a good majority – at least from the ones I’ve read – start out with, “I had my doubts, but went out with him anyway,” or “I thought I’d give him a second chance and go out on another date.” Seriously, girls, why bother? Are you that desperate that you’re willing to put up with someone you just met because he agreed to take you out? That’s so sad. It makes me fear what future lies ahead for me.

And out of those millions of stories, I have to say, there are many people who fell in love with someone they met online and are living happily ever after. So I guess online dating can’t be that bad. It’s just another option in that long journey we’re all forced to take to find that special someone.

But it really is all about patience. I have to say things I really don’t care about happen to just fall in my lap. While things that I really want seem so far away and get harder to grasp the longer I chase it.

How screwed up is that?

CBC members are (for the most part) fasting for Darfur

Members of the Congressional Black Caucus say they want President Obama to make the crisis in Darfur a top priority, and to show that they mean business they are fasting for the cause.

Well, the fast will be limited. On a rotating basis, that is. Actually, each person will fast for up to a few days at a time. And just through Congress’ adjournment in August.

Way to be tough. Yep. That should do it.

If you want to fast for Darfur, and for longer than a few days, go to Darfur Fast For Life.

Stop wasting your damn money!

If I watch one more co-worker walk into this office with a $5 latte I am going to scream. I don’t care if they purchased the smaller size and it really cost $3.

We are in a recession. Don’t you think it’s time that we get wise about our money?

Consider these tips and keep some change in your pockets, please!

Buy a reusable water bottle and fill it with filtered water. Hell. Buy five reusable water bottles, fill them with filtered water and grab one each morning when you head to the office. While you’re at it, brew your own coffee and steep your own tea. You can use a travel mug. And you shouldn’t even be drinking carbonated soft drinks, so that takes care of the beverages.

Entertain yourself for free with your library card and the Internet. There are web sites that offer films, documentaries and television shows for free (get it while it lasts). There’s SnagFilms, Hulu, Joost (to name a few), and many of your favorite network shows will have full episodes on their web sites of all the shows that you missed while you were wasting your money on that latte. And since we’re heading into summer, look for (free) theater or concerts in the park.

Re-gift with pride. You can always give a book without ever feeling guilty that it's used, because it's new to the recipient. Just make sure that the pages are not filled with highlighting, that every other word isn’t underlined and that the margins are not decorated with your thoughts.

Skip the valet. Not only will you save money by actually parking your car yourself, you will also get some exercise.

Cook. Buy real food at a store or farmers market, bring it home and cook it. If you’re feeling really ambitious, plant some food.

What are your money-saving tips? Share them here.

The White House's First Poetry Jam

(AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Tonight, the Obamas hosted a poetry jam at the White House. It was a small event, but carries a lot of weight considering the unprecedentedly diverse group of artists and performers. The event included Hawaiian, Puerto Rican, Jewish and African American writers.

“We’re here to celebrate the power of words and music to help us appreciate beauty and also to understand pain,’’ the president told the crowd.

Mayda del Valle, a 30-year-old poet from Chicago who performed, told the New York Times:

“To be able to go in the White House and to represent my grandmother and my ancestors, it really means a lot. It’s a generation of women that don’t often get heard, you know, these old Puerto Rican women that no one ever really thinks about. To be able to use my voice to represent them on this kind of platform is really powerful.”

Another favorite quote from the article: Desiree Rogers, the White House social secretary (and fellow Wellesley alum, I might ad):

“Our goal really is to bring the house alive,’’ said Rogers. “We’re all American, but all of us come from different backgrounds. We want to expose Americans to other Americans that are doing brilliant work.’’

So simple, but so refreshing.

Mother's Day Follow-up

I was a good sport. I did the overpriced brunch thing, wrapped up some chocolates in a box, bought a cheesy card that cost the same as a Subway sandwich (6 inch). It was fine. But my mom managed to validate my Hallmark holiday cynicism.

My mom is a sucker for saccharine, gaudy cards - the more glittery flowers, the more layers of blank pages, the better. But I don't think she ever really reads the most important part - my personal message. Sunday proved my suspicion. I put my mom to the test.

In her card, I wrote a message in swirly, small handwriting that looked like it could have been words, but the whole thing was actually gibberish. She opened the card, closed it and said, "That's so sweet, honey. Thanks." I said, "Did you read my message?" She said, "I did. Quickly." She opened it again to redeem herself. I watched her squint, sweat, bring it closer to her face. 5 minutes later, she was still at it, grimacing.

I finally put her out of her misery and told her my message did not say anything. It didn't go over that well. She chuckled and rolled her eyes and continued to eat her $40 omelette.

Iran frees Roxana Saberi

A key piece of evidence brought about her conviction on espionage charges. Roxana Saberi possessed a copy of a classified report by the Iranian government report about the United States war in Iraq. The prosecutors accused Saberi of passing the document on to American officials.

But a letter from President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad asking for a careful review of Saberi's case, apparently, influenced her release.

Saberi is free now and will, most likely, leave Iran within a few days. The court reduced her sentence from 8 years in prison to a suspended two-year term and banned her from practicing journalism in Iran for 5 years.

The move to release Saberi may help the Obama administration's efforts to improve relations with Iran. Obama welcomed the decision as a "humanitarian gesture."

"I'm very happy to be released and to be with my father and mother again," Saberi told reporters in Tehran. "I'm thanking all those people around the world who knew me or who didn't know me but helped my release. Right now I just want to be with my parents and my friends and to relax," Saberi said.

The Committee to Protect Journalists, though "thrilled" by Saberi's release, offered a swift reminder: "Several Iranian journalists remain jailed today. We urge they be given the same opportunity for judicial review."

Mama gets no paid leave

The Economic Policy Institute says that compared to countries with similar per capita income, the United States provides the fewest mandated maternity leave benefits in both length of leave and amount of paid time off.

What is wrong with us?

Anyway, have a Happy Mother’s Day.

Only one day?

Wow. A whole day for myself. After enduring hours of labor to give birth to three kids, I get a whole day. Let's see, what can I do in one whole day?

Maybe I can make up for the many nights I lost sleep from a sick or feverish child. Maybe I can find a quiet room and reflect on the many days that I just wanted to be left alone only to have the word 'MOMMY!' screamed at me repeatedly. Maybe I can go out to dinner and enjoy myself instead of cooking a big meal and hearing my favorite words - "I don't want this!"

Oh, don't get me wrong. Motherhood is a wonderful experience. A child's first words, first steps, birthdays, graduations. Just seeing your child's beautiful smile can brighten your whole day!

I understand now what my own mother felt. I too have shared in the joys and pains of motherhood. I will enjoy this day and be thankful that God has blessed me with children of my own. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I will also take full advantage of this day, because I know the next day is certainly not Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day! Stay sane.