Mother's Day Follow-up

I was a good sport. I did the overpriced brunch thing, wrapped up some chocolates in a box, bought a cheesy card that cost the same as a Subway sandwich (6 inch). It was fine. But my mom managed to validate my Hallmark holiday cynicism.

My mom is a sucker for saccharine, gaudy cards - the more glittery flowers, the more layers of blank pages, the better. But I don't think she ever really reads the most important part - my personal message. Sunday proved my suspicion. I put my mom to the test.

In her card, I wrote a message in swirly, small handwriting that looked like it could have been words, but the whole thing was actually gibberish. She opened the card, closed it and said, "That's so sweet, honey. Thanks." I said, "Did you read my message?" She said, "I did. Quickly." She opened it again to redeem herself. I watched her squint, sweat, bring it closer to her face. 5 minutes later, she was still at it, grimacing.

I finally put her out of her misery and told her my message did not say anything. It didn't go over that well. She chuckled and rolled her eyes and continued to eat her $40 omelette.

I love you because Hallmark says so

I deeply resent Hallmark holidays. Maybe it's because I am not a mother or a father or in the first year of a relationship, but based on a basic cost-benefit analysis, I believe Hallmark holidays cause more pain than joy.

Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Valentine's Day do a better job of reminding people of death, loss, and resentment than they do of celebrating loved ones. For those who have lost a parent or lover, or who hate a parent or lover, these invented holidays are like pouring alcohol on an open wound, often treated with alcohol down the throat. 

And for those who are lucky enough to have a parent or lover worth celebrating, these invented holidays are about jacking up the price of brunch menus and spending $4.99 on a folded piece of paper with a message inside that is slightly off in sentiment.

As for Mother's Day, I am lucky enough to have a mom who is worth every penny and moment of celebration. But I try to appreciate her every day - I don't need Hallmark to force me to say I love you, while motherless, oedipus complexed people drown themselves in their sorrows.

Maybe I will feel differently once I am a mom. Maybe I will need one special day that forces my family to spend $40 on eggs and give me a sappy card that rhymes. But for now, I am still a cynical, childless brat who is more concerned with the injustices of the world. Happy Mother's Day!