“Tamika. Tamika. Tamika,” my eggs lectured. “We are not getting any younger. What are you waiting for? If you’re going to hold out much longer, then you might as well just freeze us now!”
I’ve been married nearly 8 years. So my eggs do not care that I am growing in my career and am waiting for the perfect house in the perfect school district. And my eggs have no clue that I am terrified of being torn asunder (ring of fire, anyone?).
My eggs’ best friend, my ob-gyn, has added his two cents to my ongoing childlessness during every annual visit since I was 27.
“Do you realize that your fertility is now on the decline,” he asked. “You don’t want to wait too long. You might want to start thinking about when you want to have that baby.”
I might want to START thinking about it? That’s ALL I think about! And that’s all it seems anyone asks me about.
“So, when are you having kids?”
“When are you having a baby?”
“When are you starting a family?”
“So, when will we hear the pitter-patter of little feet?”
“Any plans to build a nursery in that other bedroom?”
And my all-time favorite: “What are you waiting for?”
I don’t know what I’m waiting for actually. Nothing will ever be perfect. Not the career. Not the house. Not the marriage. Not the school district.
Maybe I’m just waiting until I’m okay with not being in control of my life and my body (not that I ever have been in control, but I like to pretend).
Maybe I’m waiting until the thought of surrendering my body to childbirth and surrendering (some parts of) my future to motherhood doesn’t make me hyperventilate.
Maybe I’m waiting for my eggs and my ob-gyn to shut up.
It's funny I'm a mom of two, but I've never felt the need to push any person, especially another woman, to have kids. Just listen to your gut!
ReplyDeleteHey Tamika I had no idea that this was something that was so much in the forefront of your thinking. I see you in the proccess of growing and expanding in your life and career. Trips to Dubai etc. I can assure you that having a child has been one of the most rewarding things in my life. I found a love I never even knew existed. A fierce, all consuming kind of love. In addition I was trying to do or be what I thought a "good" mother was. It is an experience that I would not give up for anything one that changed my life forever. One that for me took all of my focus from me and put it on someone else (whom I cherish)but career wise I did not excel. I just stayed steady so that she (my daughter) could flourish. Not all of my experience would be yours, for sure, but I can assure you parts of it will hold true. It is the hardest job you will ever love and a love like no other; but...it will definitely change the focus of your life. You will know when you feel that you are ready it will be something that you greet with joy and anticipation. Take your time...you've got time... I should add, that if I had known then what I know today I would have had another!
ReplyDeleteThat's wonderful advice. Wonderful, wonderful advice. Oh, yes. Always on my mind. Especially these days with a milestone birthday coming up. It's good to have such graceful mothers around to look up to.
ReplyDeleteTamika, I didn't have any idea that this was such a huge issue for you either.
ReplyDeleteI'm turning 30 this year too and EVERYONE keeps asking when I'm going to have a baby.
Like you, I was thinking about my body being ripped to pieces, my life changing forever, and my career. But this unemployment mess made me realize "A job is not that big of a deal." At the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I had a family, not "I had a job." (Plus, my hubby put his foot down and told me that we had to start trying to conceive.)
That's why on March 30, 2009 my husband and I started trying to conceive. Heck, I might even be pregnant as I write this. Isn't that an exciting thought??
And I'd love love love love love love for us to be pregnant at the same time!!
I'm curious, what do Corliss and Lendell say about you waiting?
You are trying for a baby?! Congratulations! That's wonderful! I'm getting my camera ready.
ReplyDeleteMy mother is tapping her fingernails on the table waiting for me to get on with it. Husband wants to wait until we're both comfortable with the idea. I'm waiting for a sign from God.
Hi Tamika,
ReplyDeleteI just read your post about motherhood & how you can't wait to be a mother. well let me tell you, as your mother, I am waiting for that great day to happen. As you know I am not getting any younger, so can you please please hurry up!!!!!
love your mother!!!!!