What's the Rush?

I’ve never really been a religious person. Meaning when I became a teenager and no longer needed to follow every expectation my parents had of me, I never made it a habit to go to church. It’s a shame really because in retrospect there are a lot of scriptures and such that no doubt would’ve helped me in the growing-up process. Except, like most children, growing up seemed to happen overnight. I had to get into a good high school, then a good college and then the best grad program. And I had to do it quickly before hitting 25.

So needless to say, I’ve never really been a patient person. And I don’t think any of us are truly patient. Reality shows like “The Biggest Loser” show how enormous people can lose weight in 3 months when it takes the average person with the average trainer years to accomplish. People meet on “The Bachelor” and get married by the end of the season. When did reality shows make it big? I want to say at least 7 years ago. And 7 years before that the internet hit it big. We’re all racing to get what we want faster, but none of us really know how to hold on to things that we claim are dear to us. I wonder how many people get fat again after losing all that weight. I wonder if the divorce rate will keep climbing in this country. Perhaps if we were more patient in achieving our goals, we wouldn’t be in danger of losing them so quickly after obtaining them.

Patience truly is a virtue that we’re all losing. If you read internet dating stories online, people have gone through horrifying and even dangerous experiences just for the off-chance of finding that one true love. Now, I can’t really diss online dating without trying it.

So I did.

I joined match.com to see what it was like. Curiosity was the reason, but from now on to save face, I’ll say it was research. The pool of women (as it always is) is much better to choose from than the pool of men. Yes, I checked out the women’s profiles too. Some chicks were so awesome I nearly emailed them to ask if they wanted to get drinks so I’d have a buddy to go bar-hopping with, but of course, I didn’t because I didn’t want to seem like a lunatic. The men: mostly older, most likely married. A good percentage are just there to date as many girls as they can, which honestly is fine because you’re suppose to go through a lot of relationships to understand what it is you truly want in a mate.

Others know exactly what they want. One man’s profile read like this: “I own the Upper East Side. I don’t go to bars or clubs and rather hang out at the high-end bars in my neighborhood. I’m looking for a woman who is beautiful and strong, but will give up her career when we have children like my mom did. I’m being truthful here. There’s a lot of money involved.”

Sorry, I did read the rest of it, but I was interrupted by projectile vomiting. I honestly would’ve been interested. What girl can resist a Chuck Bass? But he wasn’t even hot. And yes, that brings us to another point. Pictures are everything in online dating. And why shouldn’t we be shallow? We’re not drunk at our computers looking and reading these profiles. So we’re allowed to be a little more picky than we would be if we were at a bar. But then you run the risk of meeting up with the guy and finding out he used pictures from college and he’s really a man with sagging wrinkles and a pot belly. Who’s married with three children from 8 different marriages.

But I honestly can’t be too hard on the men on these sites. One story from Kieran who lives in the UK can tell you just how crazy women can be as well. He was talking with a woman from Boston through IM and emails. He fell in love, albeit through his computer, and she convinced him to come visit her for two weeks. He did. Upon landing, he said “she wasn't at all like I imagined. She had short greasy hair, and she didn't even bother to dress up or anything. She wore ripped dirty safari shorts and a t-shirt that was egg-stained and ripped. I tried to look past these points and convinced myself that she didn't have time to get dressed up or anything.”

Long story short, after a couple of days with her, she left a note on the counter telling Kieran to leave or she’d call the police. Then next to that note there was another note saying she was HIV positive and was putting blood in the milk and food he was eating. After 3 months of testing, he was fine. He married someone he met in the UK. Not through the internet.

You can see all these horrific stories online. And many of them, as can be expected, are from women. And a good majority – at least from the ones I’ve read – start out with, “I had my doubts, but went out with him anyway,” or “I thought I’d give him a second chance and go out on another date.” Seriously, girls, why bother? Are you that desperate that you’re willing to put up with someone you just met because he agreed to take you out? That’s so sad. It makes me fear what future lies ahead for me.

And out of those millions of stories, I have to say, there are many people who fell in love with someone they met online and are living happily ever after. So I guess online dating can’t be that bad. It’s just another option in that long journey we’re all forced to take to find that special someone.

But it really is all about patience. I have to say things I really don’t care about happen to just fall in my lap. While things that I really want seem so far away and get harder to grasp the longer I chase it.

How screwed up is that?