The two of us had driven five hours from Chicago to Ann Arbor, MI, home of my alma mater. I showed her the campus, took her by my old dorm, and pointed out all the shopping hotspots. We took photos of all the newly-planted tulips and gave hearty congratulations to the graduating seniors. Exhausted from all that activity under the May sun, we settled in at Good Time Charley’s for chilled wine and appetizers.
And then it happened. An old flame of mine, who now teaches in Ann Arbor, walked into the restaurant with his mother and siblings. He came over and greeted my friend and I while he and his family waited to be seated. When finally he’d excused himself and was out of earshot, I excitedly asked my girlfriend, “Isn’t he absolutely gorgeous??”
But she was less than enthusiastic, “Uum…I guess he’s OK.”
OK? “Just OK?” I asked in disbelief. “When we were in college he was the hottest guy on campus!”
“He’s not ugly,” she assured me, sipping her Reisling, “I’m just…not usually attracted to that type.”
“Then what’s your type,” I asked, furrowing my brows, confused that anyone could think Brandon wasn’t hot. “That guy over there in the blue? How about the one wearing the khakis, he’s cute right?”
“I tend to like tall, slim guys with lighter complexions. Sort of like Mark, I guess. I think he's gorgeous, way better looking than the teacher-guy.”
Hmmm. Did Bridgette cross the line of gender etiquette by telling me my husband was gorgeous? Furthermore, what should I make of her telling me that my husband was just her type? To be fair, I have to say this about Bridgette. Although she’s hung out with Mark and I several times, she’s never once been flirtatious with him. Never makes cute little pouty faces as she’s sliding on her lip gloss, never bends over too low at the bowling alley accidentally flashing her thong. She doesn’t linger too long at our vacation photos of Mark, sans shirt, at the beach. So why did I feel like a line had been crossed when she said he was gorgeous?
I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now, and doing so has caused me to question my own behavior. I mean, was I wrong to say the teacher-guy was gorgeous, and reminisce on our time together? Was I out of line for asking Bridgette her opinion then getting upset when she gave it to me? And how about Matthew McConaghey? Am I wrong when I jokingly say, “Now, he can get it,” to Bridgette when we’re watching E!? Should I stop salivating over photos of Barack out of respect to Michelle?
What can a woman do or say to her best friend’s guy without crossing the line of gender etiquette? Compliment his new shoes? Ask what cologne he’s wearing? Send him a friend request on Facebook? What?
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