Don't call me sweetie

Okay, when I hear someone call me this word...I cringe...but I am unsure of the roots of this uneasy feeling. Perhaps, the moment began when my Southern grandmother addressed my other grandmother in such a gooey manner. "Honey. Please be careful when you grab the groceries." I was around eight years old, and I reprimanded her for using a pet name to address a woman her age. "Her name is Nellie," I said. My grandmother glared at me. Was she trying to be nice?

Even as a silly kid something bugged me about the saccharin sweet dismissive: HONEY. Did I sense condescension? Was it belittling? I didn't know the word, but I certainly reacted in kind to the gesture. Some feeling made me want to sink down in that hot car seat, to blush or to come out swinging. Sound familiar?

So, let's go down the list: "Honey", "Sweetie", "Dear", "Dearie", "Dearest, "Hon", "Sweetie Pie", "Darlin". Any of these names may irk me, depending on the source. From the waitress at the coffee shop, to a college friend I haven't heard from in ages, to a supervisor at work, there is something about someone (man or woman) addressing me by anything other than MY NAME - specifically, any of the terms listed above.

But are the sweetie-calling people of the world misunderstood? Perhaps, this isn't a desire to condescend but a way to show affection? A way to reach out? Is it cultural? A way to endear? One may recall President Obama telling a female reporter during a press conference last year, "Hold on a second, sweetie." (The seemingly nice gesture didn't go over well and some screamed sexism. He later apologized to the reporter on voicemail excusing himself for the "bad habit.")

According to one online commentator, "What a silly issue. People who can take time in their life to get angry and think about something like being called sweetie needs to find something positive to do. "

But experts say this way of communicating is just plain harmful. In a study recently published in the American Journal of Alzheimers's Disease and other Dementias, such language is also known as "elderspeak" or infantilizing communication. In short, caregivers in nursing homes often use the names "dear" and "sweetie" when addressing aging patients. The result: higher rates of depression, decreased self-esteem and withdrawal among the elderly. Why? Because, no matter what the intentions may be, using the words can cause feelings of inadequacy and helplessness.

Dr. Becca Levy, professor of psychology at Yale, told the New York Times, elderspeak even poses problems in the professional world. According to Dr. Levy, "Words like 'dear' have a life of their own. It’s harder to change because people spend so much of their lives observing it without having a stake in it, not realizing it’s belittling to call someone that.”

Ultimately, ask yourself, should an adult address another adult like a two-year old who can't pick out a popsicle flavor? No. So, I suggest...think of your audience, your intention...who you are addressing.

For me, the supposedly kind gesture often makes me squirm. So stop. Please. And next time I won't ask sweetly...not even in a sweetly belittling kind of way. Perhaps, I am touchy. But I am certainly not alone. Try Googling the subject. And, if you don't want to come out and say, "Stop calling me sweetie" - Order the t-shirt.